Code Green: Low Terror Alert
la commish is relieved to report that the earlier crisis regarding never-nude infiltrators has been averted. after a tension-filled stand-off, la commish stood victorious over her unharmed league.
but be mindful of who lurks about your vagina (-mono.league).
...i doubt this is the last we've heard of the never-nudes...
Thursday, August 31, 2006
What the F?*
this fantasy football blog has seen enough drama in the last 24 hours to qualify as a lifetime for women movie!
la commish is unthrilled (yet secretly hopes to be played by the beautiful justine bateman).
someone has entered her vagina (-mono.league-) unannounced!
on the eve of our draft, someone new signed on to play. we now find ourselves with an uneven number of coaches, which means that draft must be postponed.
while la commish knows all about postponing (like that time she didn't feel like going on a date with that cute musician so she told him that she couldn't leave her puppy alone in thunder & lightning. "but it's not raining in manhattan," he said. her response: "it is in brooklyn." thank god for the boroughs.) she is rage-filled at this turn of events.
mysterious player, make yourself known! before i am forced to come at you like a spider monkey!
-la commish ,
who's movie of the week would be titled not without my football: the lydia manning story
*f stands for FOOTBALL!
this fantasy football blog has seen enough drama in the last 24 hours to qualify as a lifetime for women movie!
la commish is unthrilled (yet secretly hopes to be played by the beautiful justine bateman).
someone has entered her vagina (-mono.league-) unannounced!
on the eve of our draft, someone new signed on to play. we now find ourselves with an uneven number of coaches, which means that draft must be postponed.
while la commish knows all about postponing (like that time she didn't feel like going on a date with that cute musician so she told him that she couldn't leave her puppy alone in thunder & lightning. "but it's not raining in manhattan," he said. her response: "it is in brooklyn." thank god for the boroughs.) she is rage-filled at this turn of events.
mysterious player, make yourself known! before i am forced to come at you like a spider monkey!
-la commish ,
who's movie of the week would be titled not without my football: the lydia manning story
*f stands for FOOTBALL!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Angels in the Football Field:
The Blooper Reels
the dreaded x's and o's strike again:
la commish: "what does WR stand for? is that a position? let's see, W.R. hmmm.... winged right?"
a common mistake i'm sure. we're all human right?
(well, all of us except for patriots quarterback tom brady, whom god kisses on the forehead every morning before tom wakes up)
The Blooper Reels
the dreaded x's and o's strike again:
la commish: "what does WR stand for? is that a position? let's see, W.R. hmmm.... winged right?"
a common mistake i'm sure. we're all human right?
(well, all of us except for patriots quarterback tom brady, whom god kisses on the forehead every morning before tom wakes up)
Monday, August 28, 2006
Mail Bag Monday
As anticipated, the –mono.league- has been inundated with fan mail. la commish is too busy mentally preparing herself for the upcoming season (read: lying on the futon watching rudy during sex and the city commercial breaks) so she obviously does not have time to answer each request for a date or autograph personally. though she thanks her legions of admirers and assures them that they are in her thoughts.
"Lydia - The Colts had an amazing season and unfortunately lost in the Playoffs to the future XL SuperBowl Champions. You might want to rethink 'I hope they don't suck this year.' A more appropriate quote would be, 'I hope Peyton doesn't choke this year.'"
response~
lydia, while a beautiful name for an even more beautiful girl, is not here. la commish, however, would like to point out that a quarterback does not a team make. It takes an entire village of suckiness to lose a ball game.
That being said, la commish still partly blames herself for the colts loss that grim sunday last january, for while she should have been sending x-ray beams of hope from her heart to the gods of colts football, she was instead sucking down bloody mary’s in disbelief that she had chosen to spend that particular Sunday in the company of her ex who she now (kindly she might add) refers to as “blink and you’ll miss it.”
As anticipated, the –mono.league- has been inundated with fan mail. la commish is too busy mentally preparing herself for the upcoming season (read: lying on the futon watching rudy during sex and the city commercial breaks) so she obviously does not have time to answer each request for a date or autograph personally. though she thanks her legions of admirers and assures them that they are in her thoughts.
"Lydia - The Colts had an amazing season and unfortunately lost in the Playoffs to the future XL SuperBowl Champions. You might want to rethink 'I hope they don't suck this year.' A more appropriate quote would be, 'I hope Peyton doesn't choke this year.'"
response~
lydia, while a beautiful name for an even more beautiful girl, is not here. la commish, however, would like to point out that a quarterback does not a team make. It takes an entire village of suckiness to lose a ball game.
That being said, la commish still partly blames herself for the colts loss that grim sunday last january, for while she should have been sending x-ray beams of hope from her heart to the gods of colts football, she was instead sucking down bloody mary’s in disbelief that she had chosen to spend that particular Sunday in the company of her ex who she now (kindly she might add) refers to as “blink and you’ll miss it.”
Saving the Best for Last
ladies~
the draft has begun! eligible participants should have received an e-mail this morning from yahoo with instructions on joining the -mono.league.-
with only 1 week left before the season commences, please act quickly to secure your spots and team name. as always, any questions can be directed to your trusty commish.
don't make me hunt you down.
-la commish, who always wins when she plays with herself
ladies~
the draft has begun! eligible participants should have received an e-mail this morning from yahoo with instructions on joining the -mono.league.-
with only 1 week left before the season commences, please act quickly to secure your spots and team name. as always, any questions can be directed to your trusty commish.
don't make me hunt you down.
-la commish, who always wins when she plays with herself
Football News from on High
...when la commish takes time out from her busy sunday night text-flirting schedule to provide -mono.league-ers with valuable football information gleaned from the previous week....
THE PRE-SEASON WORD ON THE STREET~
-on t.o. - terrell owens (accent on the first 'terr' not the last 'ell') is a wide receiver. his middle name is eldorado. (ouch) last year, he controversially played for the philadelphia eagles and managed to alienate an entire nation with his antics. your commish salutes his flair and ayn rand-ian dedication to the self. not unlike her experiences having to defend many controversial ex-boyfriends, la commish stands by her man even in the face of ridicule and scorn from other football afficionados. speculation abounds about how he is getting along with his new coach, the legendary bill parcells. something tells me that he's not getting along with him at all, but as long as t.o. proves himself on the field and helps the cowboys to the superbowl, who cares?
-on the #1 draft pick - that was reggie bush, a heisman trophy winner who now plays for the new orleans saints. the first team to pick was the houston texans, but they actually chose mario williams, i'm guessing because he's a defensive player and that's what the texans are looking for. (by “guessing” i mean that i may have read that somewhere but cannot say with certainty.) good luck to mario, who has a tremendous amount of pressure on his back. on that big sexy back with those wide, broad muscular shoulders...
-in new york news - same ol', same ol'....
who's the better coach, giants mangini or jets coughlin?
mangini has coached with the 2 bill's (cowboys parcells and patriots bill belichick) but this is his first head coach gig so we've yet to see if he's got the team on his side. he's run an ungodly tough football camp (i wonder if the guys tell each other ghost stories at night in their bunks?) so hopefully his team will be in top form for the upcoming season.
coughlin aslo has worked with both bills and he's got experience, but can he bring together a not-so-talented team and win a superbowl?
who's the better quarterback, the giants eli manning or jets chad pennington?
eli (hands off ladies, he's mine!) comes from a strong football lineage and is capable of leading a team to the superbowl. he's got tiki barber and michael strahan behind him, and those 2 rule the school. (err, locker room.) but eli's young and it's probably not yet his time.
chad pennington is coming back from a shoulder injury, which will probably inhibit the quality of his game.
-on inuries - speaking of the jets, running back curtis martin is injured. serious enough to retire?
-la commish, who can often be found on high
...when la commish takes time out from her busy sunday night text-flirting schedule to provide -mono.league-ers with valuable football information gleaned from the previous week....
THE PRE-SEASON WORD ON THE STREET~
-on t.o. - terrell owens (accent on the first 'terr' not the last 'ell') is a wide receiver. his middle name is eldorado. (ouch) last year, he controversially played for the philadelphia eagles and managed to alienate an entire nation with his antics. your commish salutes his flair and ayn rand-ian dedication to the self. not unlike her experiences having to defend many controversial ex-boyfriends, la commish stands by her man even in the face of ridicule and scorn from other football afficionados. speculation abounds about how he is getting along with his new coach, the legendary bill parcells. something tells me that he's not getting along with him at all, but as long as t.o. proves himself on the field and helps the cowboys to the superbowl, who cares?
-on the #1 draft pick - that was reggie bush, a heisman trophy winner who now plays for the new orleans saints. the first team to pick was the houston texans, but they actually chose mario williams, i'm guessing because he's a defensive player and that's what the texans are looking for. (by “guessing” i mean that i may have read that somewhere but cannot say with certainty.) good luck to mario, who has a tremendous amount of pressure on his back. on that big sexy back with those wide, broad muscular shoulders...
-in new york news - same ol', same ol'....
who's the better coach, giants mangini or jets coughlin?
mangini has coached with the 2 bill's (cowboys parcells and patriots bill belichick) but this is his first head coach gig so we've yet to see if he's got the team on his side. he's run an ungodly tough football camp (i wonder if the guys tell each other ghost stories at night in their bunks?) so hopefully his team will be in top form for the upcoming season.
coughlin aslo has worked with both bills and he's got experience, but can he bring together a not-so-talented team and win a superbowl?
who's the better quarterback, the giants eli manning or jets chad pennington?
eli (hands off ladies, he's mine!) comes from a strong football lineage and is capable of leading a team to the superbowl. he's got tiki barber and michael strahan behind him, and those 2 rule the school. (err, locker room.) but eli's young and it's probably not yet his time.
chad pennington is coming back from a shoulder injury, which will probably inhibit the quality of his game.
-on inuries - speaking of the jets, running back curtis martin is injured. serious enough to retire?
-la commish, who can often be found on high
Sunday, August 27, 2006
The Second Coming
your commish just learned something extraordinary! as i'm sure all -mono.league- readers know, only ELEVEN DAYS until the commencement of the 2006-2007 nfl football season. but it's not the opening game (miami @ pittsburgh on thursday the 7th) that's got her all worked up. instead check out the 2nd day of scheduled play on sunday the 10th:
INDIANAPOLIS @ N.Y. GIANTS
brother vs. brother.
hottie vs. hotter.
la commish's past vs. her bright present and future.
[insert squeal of excitment here.]
my lips are sealed as to which brother i'm cheering for...
i've never been good at staying faithful to one man. and thanks to the nfl, i don't have to.
-la commish
your commish just learned something extraordinary! as i'm sure all -mono.league- readers know, only ELEVEN DAYS until the commencement of the 2006-2007 nfl football season. but it's not the opening game (miami @ pittsburgh on thursday the 7th) that's got her all worked up. instead check out the 2nd day of scheduled play on sunday the 10th:
INDIANAPOLIS @ N.Y. GIANTS
brother vs. brother.
hottie vs. hotter.
la commish's past vs. her bright present and future.
[insert squeal of excitment here.]
my lips are sealed as to which brother i'm cheering for...
i've never been good at staying faithful to one man. and thanks to the nfl, i don't have to.
-la commish
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Help Wanted
having previously used the sports sections in newspapers to blot her lip gloss or to wrap fish, la commish was recently disgruntled to realize the following: east coast papers report exclusively on east coast teams. for this reason, the -mono.league- is in need of a midwest* and a west coast correspondent. interested applicants should send their football highlights to queenlyd@hotmail.com.
because knowing is half the battle...
-la commish
*indianapolis colts updates are especially valued. la commish sends silent dedications to them every morning in her yoga class in hopes that they don't suck again this year.
having previously used the sports sections in newspapers to blot her lip gloss or to wrap fish, la commish was recently disgruntled to realize the following: east coast papers report exclusively on east coast teams. for this reason, the -mono.league- is in need of a midwest* and a west coast correspondent. interested applicants should send their football highlights to queenlyd@hotmail.com.
because knowing is half the battle...
-la commish
*indianapolis colts updates are especially valued. la commish sends silent dedications to them every morning in her yoga class in hopes that they don't suck again this year.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Football is All Around Us:
(The first in a series)
never let it be said that your commish is not looking out for you (though she does plan to annihilate come superbowl time). i accidentally stumbled upon (quite literally, after 2 1/2 jack & gingers) a very important reason why girls should know football:
BOUNCERS AT BARS LIKE FOOTBALL.
say you're outside a bar enjoying the fine night with a friend and a cigarette. chances are, there is a big scary man perched on a stool staring at you. instead of shying away or making obsequious conversation, this is the perfect opportunity to try out your newfound knowledge of the greatest game in the world (after sailing, tennis & european soccer.)
la commish's top five tips on talking football with the bouncer:
5.) bouncers offer a great slice of new york life (barring the ones that make headlines for offing their patrons) so sticking with the local boys is a safe and healthy option.
the new york jets:
-colors are green & white
-head coach: eric mangini
-some key players:
chad pennington (quarterback) - currently competing with hopefuls patrick ramsey, brooks bollinger and the rookie kellen clemens, though pennington played qb in the jets first pre-season game
Laveranues coles (wide receiver) - pennington's go-to guy with the great smile
curtin martin (running back) - not just a solid ball player, but one of esquire magazine's 2004 best dressed whose paramours include toni braxton & michelle williams of destiny's child
jon vilma (linebacker)
-jets season outlook: a new first-time head coach and a quarterback coming back from having injured his rotator cuff. they'll probably suck...
the new york giants:
-colors are red, blue & gray
head coach: tom coughlin
-key players:
eli manning (quarterback) - i'll elaborate on eli later, as my fascination with the manning brothers knows no bounds
tiki barber (running back) - la commish & tiki, sitting in tree.....
michael strahan (defensive end)
lavar arrington (linebacker) - if you go out for drinks with him, let him pay. they just picked him up as a free agent for MILLIONS!
-giants season outlook: your guess is as good as mine.
both new york teams play out of the same stadium in the meadowlands. bet that's awkward.
4.) if a bouncer happens to sport a jersey, you can cut the preliminary chitchat and go straight to the player on his back. delicacy is in order, for "that peyton sure is a hottie" probably won't fly as well as "that peyton sure can throw the ball."
3.) if you don't know, don't pretend. but nodding (and seeming like you know) go a long way, especially if you're feeling particularly cute that night. asking questions is a good way to keep a conversation flowing:
-"did you catch the last [insert team here] game? how'd we do?"
-"what's the score? do you think [insert team here] will win? (applicable if there's a nearby big-screen showing the game)
-"what do the x's and o's stand for?"
2.) casually comment to your bouncer how they have the physique of a pro nfl-er and ask them if they play. what man wouldn't be flattered? (this must be the male equivalent of being mistaken for a model.) plus, what better way to figure out the different positions than from someone who's played them? that's the kind of first-hand knowledge you won't get from your typical i-banker at an upper west side bar (not to belittle all my gorgeous lovelies out there hitting the links).
1.) to borrow from one of Big Brother's more genius commercials: if you can't pronounce the name of tui alailefaleula (jets defensive tackle) you are too drunk. have the bouncer hail you a cab and get yourself home before you puke like a frat boy all over the nice man's shoes.
(The first in a series)
never let it be said that your commish is not looking out for you (though she does plan to annihilate come superbowl time). i accidentally stumbled upon (quite literally, after 2 1/2 jack & gingers) a very important reason why girls should know football:
BOUNCERS AT BARS LIKE FOOTBALL.
say you're outside a bar enjoying the fine night with a friend and a cigarette. chances are, there is a big scary man perched on a stool staring at you. instead of shying away or making obsequious conversation, this is the perfect opportunity to try out your newfound knowledge of the greatest game in the world (after sailing, tennis & european soccer.)
la commish's top five tips on talking football with the bouncer:
5.) bouncers offer a great slice of new york life (barring the ones that make headlines for offing their patrons) so sticking with the local boys is a safe and healthy option.
the new york jets:
-colors are green & white
-head coach: eric mangini
-some key players:
chad pennington (quarterback) - currently competing with hopefuls patrick ramsey, brooks bollinger and the rookie kellen clemens, though pennington played qb in the jets first pre-season game
Laveranues coles (wide receiver) - pennington's go-to guy with the great smile
curtin martin (running back) - not just a solid ball player, but one of esquire magazine's 2004 best dressed whose paramours include toni braxton & michelle williams of destiny's child
jon vilma (linebacker)
-jets season outlook: a new first-time head coach and a quarterback coming back from having injured his rotator cuff. they'll probably suck...
the new york giants:
-colors are red, blue & gray
head coach: tom coughlin
-key players:
eli manning (quarterback) - i'll elaborate on eli later, as my fascination with the manning brothers knows no bounds
tiki barber (running back) - la commish & tiki, sitting in tree.....
michael strahan (defensive end)
lavar arrington (linebacker) - if you go out for drinks with him, let him pay. they just picked him up as a free agent for MILLIONS!
-giants season outlook: your guess is as good as mine.
both new york teams play out of the same stadium in the meadowlands. bet that's awkward.
4.) if a bouncer happens to sport a jersey, you can cut the preliminary chitchat and go straight to the player on his back. delicacy is in order, for "that peyton sure is a hottie" probably won't fly as well as "that peyton sure can throw the ball."
3.) if you don't know, don't pretend. but nodding (and seeming like you know) go a long way, especially if you're feeling particularly cute that night. asking questions is a good way to keep a conversation flowing:
-"did you catch the last [insert team here] game? how'd we do?"
-"what's the score? do you think [insert team here] will win? (applicable if there's a nearby big-screen showing the game)
-"what do the x's and o's stand for?"
2.) casually comment to your bouncer how they have the physique of a pro nfl-er and ask them if they play. what man wouldn't be flattered? (this must be the male equivalent of being mistaken for a model.) plus, what better way to figure out the different positions than from someone who's played them? that's the kind of first-hand knowledge you won't get from your typical i-banker at an upper west side bar (not to belittle all my gorgeous lovelies out there hitting the links).
1.) to borrow from one of Big Brother's more genius commercials: if you can't pronounce the name of tui alailefaleula (jets defensive tackle) you are too drunk. have the bouncer hail you a cab and get yourself home before you puke like a frat boy all over the nice man's shoes.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Trash Talk
la commish would like to go on record as having a filthy mouth. the dirtier the word, the more it should be repeated (preferably into the ear of another good-looking & consenting adult.)
keeping that in mind, the following article caught my eye while i was surfing the web at work in an attempt to figure out what the x's and o's stand for.
mangold's sister following in his footsteps:
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/5836780?FSO1&ATT=HCP>1=8485
in this article about new york jets center nick mangold's football-playing sister holley, she says: "I have a lot of people come up to me and ask since I play football am I a feminist?" Holley said. "No, not at all. I don't think, 'I am woman hear me roar.' It was simply because football is one of the greatest sports there is and if I can keep doing it like my brother, that would be amazing."
your commish asks herself one more time--what's so offensive about the word feminist? isn't it as simple as: if you believe that women should be afforded the same rights as men (such as to play the high school sport of your choice if you're good enough to make the team), then you're a feminist? this country is so confused....
politics aside, kudos to holly. i wonder if she'd also like to play in the -mono.league-?....
la commish would like to go on record as having a filthy mouth. the dirtier the word, the more it should be repeated (preferably into the ear of another good-looking & consenting adult.)
keeping that in mind, the following article caught my eye while i was surfing the web at work in an attempt to figure out what the x's and o's stand for.
mangold's sister following in his footsteps:
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/5836780?FSO1&ATT=HCP>1=8485
in this article about new york jets center nick mangold's football-playing sister holley, she says: "I have a lot of people come up to me and ask since I play football am I a feminist?" Holley said. "No, not at all. I don't think, 'I am woman hear me roar.' It was simply because football is one of the greatest sports there is and if I can keep doing it like my brother, that would be amazing."
your commish asks herself one more time--what's so offensive about the word feminist? isn't it as simple as: if you believe that women should be afforded the same rights as men (such as to play the high school sport of your choice if you're good enough to make the team), then you're a feminist? this country is so confused....
politics aside, kudos to holly. i wonder if she'd also like to play in the -mono.league-?....
Team Meeting
the current roster:
la commish
marga s.
my s.
tracy k.
liz f. (and baby--but only if it's a girl)
nix
ann z.
ali k.
la commish is in contact with a handful of last-minute stragglers. this should be a big recruitment week so sit tight on final draft info. hopefully, word will get out that the winner at the end of the season will be toasting their victory with a bottle 1998 dom perignon....
ALSO:
housekeeping details-
home base: - the -mono.league- is currently in seach of a team headquarters, at an accomodating yet-to-be-named manhattan sports bar. i was told that espn sports zone at times square is the sutter home of sports bars (yuck), so please send any other suggestions to queenlyd@hotmail.com. i'm planning a couple of pre-season game-watching informational get-togethers, so keep reading for details.
cheerleader tryouts: what's football without the accompanying high-kicking cheerleaders? the -mono.league- is holding tryouts for all interested gentlemen. please send a quick e-mail with accompanying head shot/picture to queenlyd@hotmail.com
the current roster:
la commish
marga s.
my s.
tracy k.
liz f. (and baby--but only if it's a girl)
nix
ann z.
ali k.
la commish is in contact with a handful of last-minute stragglers. this should be a big recruitment week so sit tight on final draft info. hopefully, word will get out that the winner at the end of the season will be toasting their victory with a bottle 1998 dom perignon....
ALSO:
housekeeping details-
home base: - the -mono.league- is currently in seach of a team headquarters, at an accomodating yet-to-be-named manhattan sports bar. i was told that espn sports zone at times square is the sutter home of sports bars (yuck), so please send any other suggestions to queenlyd@hotmail.com. i'm planning a couple of pre-season game-watching informational get-togethers, so keep reading for details.
cheerleader tryouts: what's football without the accompanying high-kicking cheerleaders? the -mono.league- is holding tryouts for all interested gentlemen. please send a quick e-mail with accompanying head shot/picture to queenlyd@hotmail.com
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Football, Sex, & My Christian Jesus
Discovering football, like getting a new boyfriend or converting to a new faith, requires much discussion and indoctrination. football is also similar to boys and religion in that it is something you most likely don't get autuomatically. you either have to sit by the phone willing them to call, have a near death experience, or watch a lot of Monday Night games. so this week, i opened my eyes and ears and waited for the universe to bring football to me. i didn't have to wait long.
monday night, as part of my of my ongoing scouting attempts to recruit top talent, i attended the outdoor movie at bryant park with a "prospective player." said date, having arrived earlier than me to secure a choice spot in the grass, informed me of his location "100 yards from the right side of the screen."
WHAT!!?? feet i understand (as in, the deep end of the pool is 12 feet deep). meters i get on point of principle (anything european is cool) plus i wasn't a 50-meter butterflier as a child for nothing. but yards.... and then it dawned on me why i've always been so bad with directions. boys think in terms of football fields! 100 yards=one football field. if the bar i'm looking for is 150 yards up across the street according to the nice shiny bouncer i accidentally stumble across downtown, he means that i need to toddle 1 & 1/2 football field lengths up and then cross!
so if boys measure distance in terms of the ball field, i wonder what else they use football to gauge...
-la commish aka "the best touchdown you'll ever have"
Discovering football, like getting a new boyfriend or converting to a new faith, requires much discussion and indoctrination. football is also similar to boys and religion in that it is something you most likely don't get autuomatically. you either have to sit by the phone willing them to call, have a near death experience, or watch a lot of Monday Night games. so this week, i opened my eyes and ears and waited for the universe to bring football to me. i didn't have to wait long.
monday night, as part of my of my ongoing scouting attempts to recruit top talent, i attended the outdoor movie at bryant park with a "prospective player." said date, having arrived earlier than me to secure a choice spot in the grass, informed me of his location "100 yards from the right side of the screen."
WHAT!!?? feet i understand (as in, the deep end of the pool is 12 feet deep). meters i get on point of principle (anything european is cool) plus i wasn't a 50-meter butterflier as a child for nothing. but yards.... and then it dawned on me why i've always been so bad with directions. boys think in terms of football fields! 100 yards=one football field. if the bar i'm looking for is 150 yards up across the street according to the nice shiny bouncer i accidentally stumble across downtown, he means that i need to toddle 1 & 1/2 football field lengths up and then cross!
so if boys measure distance in terms of the ball field, i wonder what else they use football to gauge...
-la commish aka "the best touchdown you'll ever have"
You May Have Already Won...
ciao ladies (& interested gentlemen) ~
apologies for the lack of posts this week. your commish benched herself so that she could recover from the extensive pre-season activities of the last several days (yes, your commish is a baller...) have no fear--in the midst of 3am vodka shots, late-night diner-crawling, & the inevitable workday sickness brought on by such activities, i have continued to scour the papers, internet and football minds of friends so that i may better understand the game. so that we can all collectively benefit and enjoy the greatest sport on earth. (after sailing, tennis, and european soccer.)
your commish is quite excited at the moment. not just because she is currently in the midst of a buccaneers (florida) and jets (new york) exhibition game, but because she succumbed to the resistance-is-futile-you-will-be-assimilated-marketing ploys of nfl.com (henceforth to be referenced as Big Brother).
keep your fingers crossed--i may soon be the lucky winner of the "take an nfl player to school" sweepstakes! i'm sure the wine school i take courses at would be THRILLED to have an nfl-er sniff, taste, and swirl with us! (if i win, i hope i get tom brady!)
i had to check with my mom on account that my entering required parental consent, but she said it was ok. she expressed some concern that the age limit to enter was 12, but seemed satisfied when i explained that i could write that off as a simple inversion of my real age, which is 21.
-la commish
(girl most likely to store her love notes from peyton in an nfl trapper keeper)
ciao ladies (& interested gentlemen) ~
apologies for the lack of posts this week. your commish benched herself so that she could recover from the extensive pre-season activities of the last several days (yes, your commish is a baller...) have no fear--in the midst of 3am vodka shots, late-night diner-crawling, & the inevitable workday sickness brought on by such activities, i have continued to scour the papers, internet and football minds of friends so that i may better understand the game. so that we can all collectively benefit and enjoy the greatest sport on earth. (after sailing, tennis, and european soccer.)
your commish is quite excited at the moment. not just because she is currently in the midst of a buccaneers (florida) and jets (new york) exhibition game, but because she succumbed to the resistance-is-futile-you-will-be-assimilated-marketing ploys of nfl.com (henceforth to be referenced as Big Brother).
keep your fingers crossed--i may soon be the lucky winner of the "take an nfl player to school" sweepstakes! i'm sure the wine school i take courses at would be THRILLED to have an nfl-er sniff, taste, and swirl with us! (if i win, i hope i get tom brady!)
i had to check with my mom on account that my entering required parental consent, but she said it was ok. she expressed some concern that the age limit to enter was 12, but seemed satisfied when i explained that i could write that off as a simple inversion of my real age, which is 21.
-la commish
(girl most likely to store her love notes from peyton in an nfl trapper keeper)
Monday, August 07, 2006
Tenets of Football*
due to extremely late night game-planning and strategizing ("oh, so that's what the kids are calling it these days") la commish is uncharacteriscally lackluster this afternoon. today's informative post is provided courtesy of consistently well-dressed and perennially urbane guest coach [CENSORED HEARTBREAKER TYPE] one of the -mono.league's- favorite [GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY] imports & drinking companions. he of ‘if-foreplay-was-football-he'd-win-the-heisman’ fame has the following basic football points to share:
(time)
a game of football is comprised of 4 quarters, each 15 minutes in length
(time-outs)
each team--there are 2--is allowed 3 time outs per half
(how the ball moves on the field)
a ball can be handed off to another player or passed or a player can run with the ball
(playa's) ...are divided into 2 groups, labeled the offense and the defense. more on specific positions later, as soon as la commish figures out exactly what all the x's and o's stand for....
(scoring)
the defense can score by tackling an opposing quarterback in his end zone, which is called a safety and which wins them 2 points and possession of the ball.
the offense can score by scoring a touchdown for 6 points or kicking a field goal for 3 points
--additionally, they can win extra points after scoring a touchdown by either trying to score an extra point (worth one point) or going for a two-point conversion (worth, obviously, two points).
1 point=
if a team tries for an extra point, they ball is placed on the 3 yard line and kicked like one would kick a field goal. if the ball goes through the uprights, the team is awarded a point.
two-point conversion=
if a team opts for a two-point conversion, the ball is again placed on the 3yd-line; however the ball is not kicked. rather the team tries to get the ball into the end zone by running or passing. if the team is successful, they're awarded two points.
*tenets are subject to change, additions and substitutions as needed.
due to extremely late night game-planning and strategizing ("oh, so that's what the kids are calling it these days") la commish is uncharacteriscally lackluster this afternoon. today's informative post is provided courtesy of consistently well-dressed and perennially urbane guest coach [CENSORED HEARTBREAKER TYPE] one of the -mono.league's- favorite [GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY] imports & drinking companions. he of ‘if-foreplay-was-football-he'd-win-the-heisman’ fame has the following basic football points to share:
(time)
a game of football is comprised of 4 quarters, each 15 minutes in length
(time-outs)
each team--there are 2--is allowed 3 time outs per half
(how the ball moves on the field)
a ball can be handed off to another player or passed or a player can run with the ball
(playa's) ...are divided into 2 groups, labeled the offense and the defense. more on specific positions later, as soon as la commish figures out exactly what all the x's and o's stand for....
(scoring)
the defense can score by tackling an opposing quarterback in his end zone, which is called a safety and which wins them 2 points and possession of the ball.
the offense can score by scoring a touchdown for 6 points or kicking a field goal for 3 points
--additionally, they can win extra points after scoring a touchdown by either trying to score an extra point (worth one point) or going for a two-point conversion (worth, obviously, two points).
1 point=
if a team tries for an extra point, they ball is placed on the 3 yard line and kicked like one would kick a field goal. if the ball goes through the uprights, the team is awarded a point.
two-point conversion=
if a team opts for a two-point conversion, the ball is again placed on the 3yd-line; however the ball is not kicked. rather the team tries to get the ball into the end zone by running or passing. if the team is successful, they're awarded two points.
*tenets are subject to change, additions and substitutions as needed.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Team Meeting
welcome ladies (& interested gentlemen)~
girls are dumb. we fight for equality and choose our battles in the name of feminism yet overlook the last bastion of male-centricity--FOOTBALL!
enter -the vagina mono.league-....a girls-only fantasy football league headquartered in the capital of the world, new york city.
as your commissioner (henceforth la commish) i am here to welcome you. this blog will serve to accompany our mono.league play, which will be yahoo.com-based. here is what you can expect from league of our own blog in the months ahead:
*lots of organizational information (initially) as i recruit and prepare the competitors in this year's inaugural -mono.league-
*an internet-based training camp of sorts. i will sort through the headlines, newsmakers, and happenings (i.e. gossip) to give you concise & current information relevant to the 2006 football season
*the wise words of guest coaches (an elite team comprised primarily of my ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends and future boyfriends along with those of my sisters) who will talk us through strategy, plays, position and finally, scoring--not unlike your usual saturday nights of bar-hopping
*juicy gratuitous topless shots of blog favorite nfl'ers
so start putting together your dream teams and get ready to play ball. until the next team meeting,
play on, players...
-la commish
welcome ladies (& interested gentlemen)~
girls are dumb. we fight for equality and choose our battles in the name of feminism yet overlook the last bastion of male-centricity--FOOTBALL!
enter -the vagina mono.league-....a girls-only fantasy football league headquartered in the capital of the world, new york city.
as your commissioner (henceforth la commish) i am here to welcome you. this blog will serve to accompany our mono.league play, which will be yahoo.com-based. here is what you can expect from league of our own blog in the months ahead:
*lots of organizational information (initially) as i recruit and prepare the competitors in this year's inaugural -mono.league-
*an internet-based training camp of sorts. i will sort through the headlines, newsmakers, and happenings (i.e. gossip) to give you concise & current information relevant to the 2006 football season
*the wise words of guest coaches (an elite team comprised primarily of my ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends and future boyfriends along with those of my sisters) who will talk us through strategy, plays, position and finally, scoring--not unlike your usual saturday nights of bar-hopping
*juicy gratuitous topless shots of blog favorite nfl'ers
so start putting together your dream teams and get ready to play ball. until the next team meeting,
play on, players...
-la commish
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