Football, Sex, & My Christian Jesus


Discovering football, like getting a new boyfriend or converting to a new faith, requires much discussion and indoctrination. football is also similar to boys and religion in that it is something you most likely don't get autuomatically. you either have to sit by the phone willing them to call, have a near death experience, or watch a lot of Monday Night games. so this week, i opened my eyes and ears and waited for the universe to bring football to me. i didn't have to wait long.

monday night, as part of my of my ongoing scouting attempts to recruit top talent, i attended the outdoor movie at bryant park with a "prospective player." said date, having arrived earlier than me to secure a choice spot in the grass, informed me of his location "100 yards from the right side of the screen."

WHAT!!?? feet i understand (as in, the deep end of the pool is 12 feet deep). meters i get on point of principle (anything european is cool) plus i wasn't a 50-meter butterflier as a child for nothing. but yards.... and then it dawned on me why i've always been so bad with directions. boys think in terms of football fields! 100 yards=one football field. if the bar i'm looking for is 150 yards up across the street according to the nice shiny bouncer i accidentally stumble across downtown, he means that i need to toddle 1 & 1/2 football field lengths up and then cross!

so if boys measure distance in terms of the ball field, i wonder what else they use football to gauge...

-la commish aka "the best touchdown you'll ever have"