Misguided Loyalty
don't ask me why i still have t.o. in my starting line-up. for old's time sake?
too busy to blog about this myself, but my buddy over the sports truth did it justice....
http://www.thesportstruth.com/2006/12/terrell-owens-a-spitting-image.html
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Always the Back-Up QB, Never the Bride
so much wonderment in the world of love and football these days. first and most importantly, la commish's prospects for this month have recently taken a turn for the better. she will not share details, as they are enough to make even the trollops who read this blog blush. suffice it say, la commish is a naughty girl. punish her accordingly.
secondly, having absolutely no time to research football stats for her phreaders, la commish must cull the contents for this blog from other areas of interest, mainly her personal life.
as anyone who lives in new york and follows football surely knows, coach tom coughlin is in a revolving door that won't stop, one exit being an extension of contract and another the unemployment office. well, should anyone feel the need to offer the head coach position to la commish, who is all about nurturing and caring for a locker room full of men whose bodies are machines, she would have to gracefully decline. for la commish has already accepted the position of maid of honor for her dear friend and former college roommate sara (who is referenced by name because she-misguidedly-did not accept la commish's offer to play in the -vagina mono-league- and therefore does not have a fabulous team name. ) this position makes la commish feel not only popular, but the MOST popular!
maid of honor, bitches! you know what that means? i've got first pick on the groomsmen!...
in a recent conversation with leaguofourown's favorite west coast correspondent, la commish had the chance to talk a little football with him (when they weren't comparing numbers.) turns out, the back-up quarterback is a senior position on the team. his job is to help coach the quarterback and keep him informed on what he needs to know. which seems counter-intuitive to la commish (the fact that your back-up, who is ostensibly vying for your position, is supposed to watch your back) but no one ever said football is a game that makes sense.
so sarah, i publicly take this moment to cheerlead for your upcoming nuptials and promise that come game time (err, wedding day) your back-up qb is gonna be right there with you. and i promise not to dump a freezing cooler of ice water over your head when the ceremony is over. (though i'll be tempted...)
so much wonderment in the world of love and football these days. first and most importantly, la commish's prospects for this month have recently taken a turn for the better. she will not share details, as they are enough to make even the trollops who read this blog blush. suffice it say, la commish is a naughty girl. punish her accordingly.
secondly, having absolutely no time to research football stats for her phreaders, la commish must cull the contents for this blog from other areas of interest, mainly her personal life.
as anyone who lives in new york and follows football surely knows, coach tom coughlin is in a revolving door that won't stop, one exit being an extension of contract and another the unemployment office. well, should anyone feel the need to offer the head coach position to la commish, who is all about nurturing and caring for a locker room full of men whose bodies are machines, she would have to gracefully decline. for la commish has already accepted the position of maid of honor for her dear friend and former college roommate sara (who is referenced by name because she-misguidedly-did not accept la commish's offer to play in the -vagina mono-league- and therefore does not have a fabulous team name. ) this position makes la commish feel not only popular, but the MOST popular!
maid of honor, bitches! you know what that means? i've got first pick on the groomsmen!...
in a recent conversation with leaguofourown's favorite west coast correspondent, la commish had the chance to talk a little football with him (when they weren't comparing numbers.) turns out, the back-up quarterback is a senior position on the team. his job is to help coach the quarterback and keep him informed on what he needs to know. which seems counter-intuitive to la commish (the fact that your back-up, who is ostensibly vying for your position, is supposed to watch your back) but no one ever said football is a game that makes sense.
so sarah, i publicly take this moment to cheerlead for your upcoming nuptials and promise that come game time (err, wedding day) your back-up qb is gonna be right there with you. and i promise not to dump a freezing cooler of ice water over your head when the ceremony is over. (though i'll be tempted...)
la commish (l.) during her college gangsta days with the bride-to-be.
if la commish were a rich women, she would shower them with real estate and season tickets.....
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Phoning One In
very similarly to the colts' level of play last sunday (listen peyton, you can beg off once in a while, but don't make it a habit 'cause a girl's got needs) today's post will be an exercise in the adage "90% of life is showing up." coach mangini's summer training camp for the jets has got nothing come holiday time in the retail industry. therefore, la commish is tired and cranky, so don't expect any literary touchdowns today.
last sunday's cliff notes highlights
the jets: lost on sunday. play-off contention suddenly bleak. sucks.
the giants: won on sunday. none of the players cried. yay!
the cowboys: lost on sunday. finally.
the colts: read intro paragraph, but we'll see who's laughing come superbowl time.
the hatriots: blow-out! giggle at their misfortune. ('blow-out' is a football term that signifies they didn't score once. kind of like la commish this month. a lot of "personal" practice time is therefore in order for them both.)
the steelers: won on sunday. solid.
the 49'-ers: [censored, for his pleasure.]
now would be a good time to share something that the head coach of DEVIL WEARS JERSEYS passed on to me several weeks ago during one of our training sessions in riverside park (read: pushing her stroller through the park while she dotes on baby and i dote on cute passerbys):
there are offices where the following 2 types of sites are made unavailable for employee viewing: porn and phantasy football.
OH MY GOD!! where are these places of employment and why do people still work at them???!!!!! la commish takes pesonal umbridge at this corporate tactic to keep a brother (or sister) down, as the intersection where porn, football, and phantasy connect is exactly where leaguofourown camps out with their thumbs in the air, looking for a ride....
speaking of fearsome....scary giant jeremy shockey recently told the press, "december is the most important month in football." (note to phreaders: i actually have no idea if he said that. i think he did, and it starts off my next paragraph quite nicely, so i'll leave it in. if any giant has libel issues to take up with me, i can be found at the marshmellow, located in crown heights, brooklyn, represent. * ) when other blogs go on vacation, (like dan from the daily dump who recently re-appeared at [redacted] http://redactedblog.blogspot.com/) they ask guest bloggers over for some tea and conversation. leaugofourown, trailblazer that she is, hangs alone, elusive and mysterious. the point: if anything of relevance happens in the next month, be sure and contact la commish personally so that she can set her ph-f team accordingly. (tips are helpful as la commish doesn't know how to cheat on yahoo football.)
la commish will now keel over onto her laptop and wonders how long it will take for customers to notice, turn native, and eventually take over the store.
*la commmish finds it impossible to utter the name of the fine burrough of brooklyn without immediately following it with 'represent!' which sometimes makes for awkward moments with cabbies. very similarly, la commish can't say the name 'tom brady' without tacking on 'BLOWS!' must be some vestigial skill that humans once possessed to recognize the extremes of greatness and suckiness....
very similarly to the colts' level of play last sunday (listen peyton, you can beg off once in a while, but don't make it a habit 'cause a girl's got needs) today's post will be an exercise in the adage "90% of life is showing up." coach mangini's summer training camp for the jets has got nothing come holiday time in the retail industry. therefore, la commish is tired and cranky, so don't expect any literary touchdowns today.
last sunday's cliff notes highlights
the jets: lost on sunday. play-off contention suddenly bleak. sucks.
the giants: won on sunday. none of the players cried. yay!
the cowboys: lost on sunday. finally.
the colts: read intro paragraph, but we'll see who's laughing come superbowl time.
the hatriots: blow-out! giggle at their misfortune. ('blow-out' is a football term that signifies they didn't score once. kind of like la commish this month. a lot of "personal" practice time is therefore in order for them both.)
the steelers: won on sunday. solid.
the 49'-ers: [censored, for his pleasure.]
now would be a good time to share something that the head coach of DEVIL WEARS JERSEYS passed on to me several weeks ago during one of our training sessions in riverside park (read: pushing her stroller through the park while she dotes on baby and i dote on cute passerbys):
there are offices where the following 2 types of sites are made unavailable for employee viewing: porn and phantasy football.
OH MY GOD!! where are these places of employment and why do people still work at them???!!!!! la commish takes pesonal umbridge at this corporate tactic to keep a brother (or sister) down, as the intersection where porn, football, and phantasy connect is exactly where leaguofourown camps out with their thumbs in the air, looking for a ride....
speaking of fearsome....scary giant jeremy shockey recently told the press, "december is the most important month in football." (note to phreaders: i actually have no idea if he said that. i think he did, and it starts off my next paragraph quite nicely, so i'll leave it in. if any giant has libel issues to take up with me, i can be found at the marshmellow, located in crown heights, brooklyn, represent. * ) when other blogs go on vacation, (like dan from the daily dump who recently re-appeared at [redacted] http://redactedblog.blogspot.com/) they ask guest bloggers over for some tea and conversation. leaugofourown, trailblazer that she is, hangs alone, elusive and mysterious. the point: if anything of relevance happens in the next month, be sure and contact la commish personally so that she can set her ph-f team accordingly. (tips are helpful as la commish doesn't know how to cheat on yahoo football.)
la commish will now keel over onto her laptop and wonders how long it will take for customers to notice, turn native, and eventually take over the store.
*la commmish finds it impossible to utter the name of the fine burrough of brooklyn without immediately following it with 'represent!' which sometimes makes for awkward moments with cabbies. very similarly, la commish can't say the name 'tom brady' without tacking on 'BLOWS!' must be some vestigial skill that humans once possessed to recognize the extremes of greatness and suckiness....
Monday, December 11, 2006
Football Free Association
running out the clock: waiting out a relationship that’s gone sour in in the hopes he’ll get the hint and go away
fumble: accidentally calling a boy by the wrong name and/or texting the wrong person about your date later that evening
special teams: who you call when your 1st or 2nd choice are busy
half-back: only one of you scores
full-back: everyone scores!
safety: breathmint and a condom
rookie: good kisser, but never knows when to bring flowers
pro-bowl: la commish’s most beloved exes, were they all to converge under one glorious roof
running back: what anyone foolish enough to leave la commish eventually does
defensive end: sure he SWEARS that he’s straight, but methinks he doth protest too much….
linebacker: he rilly DOES have the fabulous apartment and accroutements he bragged about
wide receiver: what his slutty new girlfriend is
running out the clock: waiting out a relationship that’s gone sour in in the hopes he’ll get the hint and go away
fumble: accidentally calling a boy by the wrong name and/or texting the wrong person about your date later that evening
special teams: who you call when your 1st or 2nd choice are busy
half-back: only one of you scores
full-back: everyone scores!
safety: breathmint and a condom
rookie: good kisser, but never knows when to bring flowers
pro-bowl: la commish’s most beloved exes, were they all to converge under one glorious roof
running back: what anyone foolish enough to leave la commish eventually does
defensive end: sure he SWEARS that he’s straight, but methinks he doth protest too much….
linebacker: he rilly DOES have the fabulous apartment and accroutements he bragged about
wide receiver: what his slutty new girlfriend is
Friday, December 08, 2006
Who Is John Heisman?
a question not be "shrugged"* off, conveniently answered in today's times.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/08/sports/ncaafootball/08heisman.html?_r=1&ref=sports&oref=slogin
here is a funny exerpt from the article, proving that the greats always a sense of humour:
Heisman, standing before his players when he first met them, would hold aloft a football and ask, “What is this?”
Answering his own question, Heisman said: “It is a prolate spheroid in which the outer leather casing is drawn tightly over a somewhat smaller rubber tubing.”
Heisman would pause and add: “Better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football.”
Answering his own question, Heisman said: “It is a prolate spheroid in which the outer leather casing is drawn tightly over a somewhat smaller rubber tubing.”
Heisman would pause and add: “Better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football.”
*the worst literary pun ever made
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
My Michael Scott Moment
so la commish was talking on the phone last night with a musician she met recently. he was telling her about his doctor's visit because he broke a finger playing touch football in central park last weekend. (hot) anyways, he tells her that his doctor says he may never play again.
this gets la commish going on a 5 minute long monologue about donavan mcnabb and his recent season-ending injury. then she realized, her musician plays a stringed instrument. and that his doctor was talking about not playing MUSIC again.
crickets.
la commish broods today; football was supposed to HELP her love life, not alienate those who might be a part of it!
putting that particular converastional gem aside, espn.com has an interesting article online about phantasy football and some NFL players' takes on it: (http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=garber_greg&id=2684942)
so la commish was talking on the phone last night with a musician she met recently. he was telling her about his doctor's visit because he broke a finger playing touch football in central park last weekend. (hot) anyways, he tells her that his doctor says he may never play again.
this gets la commish going on a 5 minute long monologue about donavan mcnabb and his recent season-ending injury. then she realized, her musician plays a stringed instrument. and that his doctor was talking about not playing MUSIC again.
crickets.
la commish broods today; football was supposed to HELP her love life, not alienate those who might be a part of it!
"you look rather exotic. was your father a g.i.?"
putting that particular converastional gem aside, espn.com has an interesting article online about phantasy football and some NFL players' takes on it: (http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=garber_greg&id=2684942)
la commish's qb peyton is written up as "the most successful fantasy quarterback. Through the first eight seasons of his career, he averaged better than 30 touchdown passes per season." whhheeeee!!!
as phantasy football becomes bigger and bigger, proponents cite it as a way for fans to get to know players on a more individual basis and a way to get people more involved in the game. opponents of ph-f however, complain that it breaks down team allegiance because fans are now more likely to cheer for would-be nemeses by virtue of their ph-f team. where la commish stands on the controversy: anything that will get her laid is a good, good thing.
sports illustrated published a fan letter several months back that described phantasy football as the pet rock of the new millenium. whoever wrote this obviously didn't have a phantasy qb who scores as much as petyon. now if la commish could only get him to score WITH her and not just FOR her....
la commish's phantasy position: between a rock and peyton's hard place.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
So Much to Blog, So Little Time...
work is tackling la commish from her blind side this month, so no promises on the continuity of the posts for the next several weeks (not that there were any promises before, as la commish is not an easy woman to pin down. unless you're peyton manning and you somehow made it out to crown heights to suprise la commish with flowers and a home-cooked brunch. he can pin her down all he wants....)
the following vignette found here (http://weblogs.newsday.com/sports/football/jets/blog/) is yet another gem from whitney houston-loving jet jerricho cotchery, who has made previous blog appearances here at leagueofourown:
"WR Jerricho Cotchery had a funny observation about his life as a starting receiver this season as opposed to his first two years coming off the bench and playing mostly special teams: “I get a lot more handshakes after the game, a lot of ‘Good game, Cotch.’ Before that I was just looking for someone that I knew.”
don't forget your -vagina mono.league- fans, cotch! we've been following you for, well, not that long, but still....
work is tackling la commish from her blind side this month, so no promises on the continuity of the posts for the next several weeks (not that there were any promises before, as la commish is not an easy woman to pin down. unless you're peyton manning and you somehow made it out to crown heights to suprise la commish with flowers and a home-cooked brunch. he can pin her down all he wants....)
the following vignette found here (http://weblogs.newsday.com/sports/football/jets/blog/) is yet another gem from whitney houston-loving jet jerricho cotchery, who has made previous blog appearances here at leagueofourown:
"WR Jerricho Cotchery had a funny observation about his life as a starting receiver this season as opposed to his first two years coming off the bench and playing mostly special teams: “I get a lot more handshakes after the game, a lot of ‘Good game, Cotch.’ Before that I was just looking for someone that I knew.”
don't forget your -vagina mono.league- fans, cotch! we've been following you for, well, not that long, but still....
Friday, December 01, 2006
Guess the Caption!
1) how la commish’s sisters feel about her after the thanksgiving post.
2) what the new york giants will say to the press if they lose to the cowboys this sunday, right before staging a mutiny on coach coughlin and burning eli manning in effigy
3) what the general sentiment from the NYPD to unarmed black men in queens is
4) how la commish feels about hater #12
5) michael vick, atlanta falcons qb, reacting to angry falcons fan after their 4th consecutive loss last sunday, to the saints. amount of fine imposed for his action by the NFL: $20,000.
bet he was making the EXACT SAME gesture when he signed that check...
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