Sistas Tellin' It Like It Is (Listen Up, Brett Favre!*)

You Suck! Doh!


It's an age old story-

Things are peachy and the world is your oyster. Fireworks, flower, romance,
TOUCHDOWN!

December 2003, Vikings vs. Raiders-One day after his father passes away, Favre scores 4 touchdowns and totals 399 yards. After the victory, he dedicates the game to his dad, assuring his American golden boy legacy.

But sooner or later, the other football drops. Whether it's a midlife crisis, some hoochie trollop, or what any single New Yorker recognizes as the inevitable cycle of Manhattan dating, eventually off they go.

March 2008-Favre breaks down in man tears when he officially announces his retirement from the Green Bay Packers, with whom he played 16 seasons, winning 3 consecutive MVP awards & 1 Super Bowl ring. He also notably started every Packers game from September 20, 1992 to January 20, 2008. "I know I can play, but I don't think I want to. And that's really what it comes down to." Ahem, this is his FIRST retirement, after 2 seasons worth of speculation.

You're all alone.

It takes a while to find your bearings and just when you're starting to smile and regain your equilibrium, they come back like dogs with their tail between their legs.

July 29, 2008-Favre formally files for reinstatement with the NFL, charging that he was "guilty of retiring early," and that he was "never fully committed."

“Mmm hmm! We’ve heard that one before. He’s a dog!”

And then it happens all over again.

August 2008-Favre is traded to New York and plays one season for the Jets. He sure does get around these days….

And again.

They never learn.

I mean, are they born stupid or does society grow them that way?

2009-Present-Favre takes his skanky self off to play for the Minnesota Vikings.

“What am I doing? I am rilly f#*cking up la commish’s phantasy football team. I should just kill myself.”

Ladies, look deep into your hearts:
You know the truth.

“You gotta send that ex-packer packing, can I get an amen!”

First time done wrong, shame on him. Every losing game after that, shame on you...

* Brett's middle name is Lorenzo. Ha!

Fairytale Beginnings

what kind of man interrupts a good nap? schmuck.

The way the story usually goes, a girl waits around in a fog for her prince to come kiss her and whisk her away (say to a gorgeous white-glove doorman highrise apartment with an 18th floor city view & a balcony bigger than pretty much anyplace else she's ever lived, with a washer/dryer AND a spare room) and they live happily every after. Except that sometimes the girl comes to find that what she thought was the fairytale ending was merely a brief respite from the outer borroughs and she finds herself living by her wits yet again.

C'est la vie-one man's loss is another man's pleasure! la commish is unleashed on the city yet again! And not a moment too soon. There are so many girlfriends to catch up with, bottles of wines to consume, and opponents to annihilate. Oh yes, it's phantasy football season and the game is more on than ever.

May the odds be ever in your favor...