the new york giants are in such a state of current disarray that la commish wasn't sure where to begin describing that mess to her loyal phreaders. always keen to place football within wider, more understandable realms, la commish compares the giants to her charming and lovable, yet often dysfunctional family....

If La Commish's Thanksgiving

Had Been at Giants Stadium:

la commish's baby sister, as played by giants running back tiki barber: you hear "whaa, whaa, whaaa" and then they leave

at the end.

the much maligned middle sister, as portrayed by giants head coach tom coughlin: erratic, prickly & tempremental, apt to go off on a whim and to make players cry.

la commish's mother, who decided NOT to come to thanksgiving this year, played by wide receiver plaxico burress, he who is now famous for giving up in the middle of disastrous plays that aren't worth his effort. [see: staying in indiana (my mother) and not bothering with a 'my-unathletic-friend-jason-who-throws-like-a-girl-could've thrown-a-better' pass from manning during the soul-deadening giants loss against the tennessee titans last week (plaxico).]

la commish, as interpreted by giants quarterback eli manning, the bumbling, well-meaning “head” of the team who in actuality lost control early on. good thing they’ve both got their looks to fall back on.










john, the innocent 'why-am-i-dating-into-this-family?' bystander, is acted by a surprisingly quiet (at the moment) giants tight end jeremy schockey. a team player, he just wants everyone to get along and to make a turkey (out of the cowboys next weekend.)









and last, but not least....

lola, the maniacal bulldog, who this week has much in common with defensive end michael strahan, the giant most likely to attack members of the press.

oops. almost forgot the family patriarch, aka giants GM ernie accorsi. they may not be directly involved in the weekly head-to-heads, but they rule from on high and pray for the best (that their respective teams don't kill each other and that they don't have to fire anyone this year...)