dear terrorists:
if you happen to be in the vicinity of the east coast, i have conveniently marked your next target, evil #12. or in your parlance, INFIDEL #12.
sincerely,
-la commish
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dear santa:
it's almost that time of year again! as you can see from the enclosed picture, i have clearly marked for you someone who has been naughty this year, and therefore deserving only of coal in his stocking. thank you in advance for your kind consideration.
-la commish, who has been very, very good this year!
p.s. i eagerly await the arrival under my tree of my eli manning action figure and mr. peyton-head doll.
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dear TLC television network:
i would like to nominate someone for your hit tv series, "what not to wear." i have circled him above. he is badly in need of a wardrobe makeover, as he wears the EXACT SAME THING every sunday, an ugly jersey with the #12.
by the way, yours is the reality television show where they kill the contestants at the end right?
kind regards,
a fan of your show
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dear residents of crown heights, brooklyn:
you don't know me very well yet, but i have recently moved to your neighborhood. some of you might call it encroaching on your territory and see me as a harbinger of the gentrification that will surely follow, leaving a wake of devastation for the lower income brackets in my path.
in anticipation of your suspicion towards me and the likely attacks which you will surely attempt on my person, i offer instead someone much more worthy of your wrath. please do consider attacking him, instead of me, if ever the urge should strike you.
feel free to come over and borrow sugar or eggs anytime.
-la commish, (unoffensively and with all due respect) representing crown heights!!
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