Football is All Around Us:
The Meadowlands

“oh devils! oh, god forsaken! oh, darkness, stench, and flame!”
“oh, get out with it, said freddy, “if i’m going to go there, i should know where it is, shouldn’t i? what is it called?”
“it is called, your royal highness, new jersey.”
“i’ve flown over that,” the queen said. “i didn’t know there were people in it. it looked like it was on fire.”
“new jersey is but a tile in a land so vast that, as far as anyone knows, it has no name.”
“yes, it does, you idiot,” feddy told him. “it’s called the united states of america.”
“it is this, then, that you must conquer.” *


but conquer we did not. evil # 12, along with his hater coach bill belichick, played us like we were a commodore 64, resulting in a new york loss to the hatriots last sunday, 24-17.

jets vs. hatriots

sunday, 17th september 2006

the first quarter:

a quick stop at a rest area on the way to game. that's the vince lombardi rest area, football fans, because la commish is all about making football the priority.

the second quarter:

The sporty trinity:
nfl, women and la commish, tickets in hand

half time:

a poorly planned snack break (which is also an apt analogy for the jets offense) meant we didn't get to our seats (on the 50 yard line!) until somewhere around halftime, when the score was 17-0.

note to football fans: games are not like parties, when you’re expected to arrive a bit tardy. Overheard: “I can’t tell if people are looking at us because we’re cute or because we’re late.”

la commish was dismayed to find that the jets DO NOT have a marching band to perform a half time show. harumph. apparently, the powers that be at giants stadium do not know how to appreciate the finer things in life. (like uplifting music at sporting events. or incidentally, winning.)

the third quarter:

in which the jets scored their first touchdown and the game became a bit touch and go. for a second. and then it went go. as in go home now to beat the traffic, the jets are going to lose.

la commish, along with the head coach of the maniacal bulldogs, who thanks to liquid courage never gave up believing in their hometown boys. damn that liquid courage!

the fourth quarter:

la commish will say this about tom brady: if he's as good at playing games in the sack as he is on the field, then bridget is a lucky girl who probably gets tied up a lot. after a good run in the third quarter when it looked as if the jets could catch up, evil #12 showed us his manhood and eventually ran out the clock.

note to football fans: ‘running out the clock’ is the football equivalent of rilly, rilly bad foreplay! there's players on the field but absolutely no action! everyone waits around, praying for the whole debacle to be over soon.

la commish, who handles bad sex and running down the clock in the same manner - by sleeping through most of it....

a look ahead at the phantasy football season:

the puerto rican belichick & mangini.

*exerpt from the novel Freddy and Fredericka by Mark Helprin

for an article about this game which is accurate enough (though la commish feels that it lacks the spirit found in her recounting), visit: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/recap?gid=20060917020