Twins!

one of the better parts of living in manhattan is the possibility of spotting a celebrity at any moment. every new yorker has a dream celebrity sighting, the star who would be the icing on the not-so-tasty cake (of high rents, crowded subways, and too many tourists taking up valuable sidewalk space) that is the modern urban existence.

la commish has long nursed the possibility of walking into the bathroom of a downtown club and spotting la lindsay. presumably on all fours in front of a toilet spewing her coked up lungs out and in need of a friend to hold her hair, rub her back and whisper "there, there." (it could happen.)

a close second would be an olsen sighting. but they apparently do not frequent the same watering holes as la commish for she had yet to add this particular feather in her new york cap. until last sunday!

who should breeze by la commish & company at the entrance of the downtown williams-sonoma? (after the sports-viewing debacle that was attempting to enter jim, the gay sports bar of chelsea, in the company of self-hating queers who objected to a very hetero yours truly enjoying the eagles game without worry of getting hit on.) none other than mary-kate olsen!

below are la commish's observations of m-k, play-by-play…

--she looks JUST LIKE she does in the tabloids. way too skinny, stringy hair, and weirdly outfitted.

-la commish was dismayed to discover that in her stiletto booties, m-k was in fact taller than la commish.

-on the weight issue (moral quandary about judging a woman based on her weight aside): to quote a fellow onlooker, "when she turns sideways, she looks like a subway pole." the girl is S-K-I-N-N-Y!

the spectacular m-k sighting was enough to lead another of la commish's gay companions to comment that for a girl worth upwards of 3 billion dollars, he would happily turn straight. la commish was forced to admit that (keeping in mind her current visa bill) she would forsake her heterosexuality for a lot less.

as synonymous as the olsen twins are to the nyu-cum-celebutante downtown scene, there's another set of twins that la commish would much rather whore her sexuality to. that would be the barber twins, tiki and ronde. if there were ever a pair of NFL brothers who could reduce la commish to a shakepseare love sonnet-quoting puddle of mush (well, after eli & petyon) it would likely be ronde and tiki.

football eye candy.

what a sight to behold. why, tiki's biceps alone are enough to make la commish's eye glaze over for a couple of seconds. they're as big as her waist!!

history, which has a funny way of repeating itself (though not necessarily in football, eh steelers? doesn't look the reigning superbowl champs will make a repeat trip this year, making la commish's purchase of the ben reothlisberger jersey a regrettable fashion decision.) beginning with the famous biblical brothers cain and abel, there has always been a good sibling and a bad sibling. here is the latest example:

The Good Twins:

ashley olsen
affiliation: new york university

Status: billionairess

Goals: to graduate college and conquer lower manhattan in the name of olsen

tiki barber

Affiliation: new york giants running back

status: wife ginny, 2 young sons

goals: retire at the end of this season and take up golf, sports commentating

The bad twins:

ronde barber

affiliation: corner back for the tampba bay buccaneers

status: wife claudia and 2 young daughters

why he is bad: 20 lbs heavier than his brother, not to mention more heterosexual-seeming. plus five tattoos.

mary-kate olsen

affiliation: she belongs to the world.

status: a penchance for paris hilton cast-offs

why she is bad: college drop-out. skinny crystal meth afficionada. need we say more?

and if that good twin/bad twin dichotomy is not enough…

teammates: feel-good children's book about sports that teaches young ones about teamwork, setting goals, and having fun! written by the barbers.

switching goals: feel-good tween movie about sports that teaches young ones about teamwork, setting goals, and having fun! starring the olsens.