Playing by the Rules

this post is a direct response to the head coach of the maniacal bulldogs, who accused la commish of being a "rules" girl. as if. thanks to the triple threat of good genetics, orthodontia, and a winning personality, la commish makes her own rules!

but it did get her thinking....

The Rules, Football-ized for Her Pleasure:

rule #1 - "be a creature unlike any other."

(joey porter, pittsburgh steelers linebacker)

rule #2 - "show up to parties, dances, and social events even if you don't feel like it."

we could all take a lesson from (sometimes party pooper) terrell owens. he'd obviously rather be dead, but he still shows up and plays for the cowboys.

rule #3 - "it's a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out."
fantasy relationship? (foot)bollocks! this is phantasy FOOTBALL, baby!!

rule #4 - "in an office romance, do not e-mail him back every time unless it is business related."
so THAT'S what was going on with the mangini-belichick freeze a couple of weeks ago...

rule #5 - "if you are in a long-distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him."
what if it's a dysfunctional relationship and you never want to see him again? do you hear that, tom brady?

rule #6 - "when considering whether to use personal ads or other dating services, you should place the ad and let men respond to you."
or you could make witty and thought-provoking comments on a football blog.

rule #7: "if he does not call, he is not interested. period."
now that's unfair. peyton's just got a lot on his mind at this time of year, that's all....

rule #8: "close the deal. rules women do not date men for more than two years."
2 years??!! if my boys don't produce on a WEEKLY basis, they get traded for a higher-scoring player. and that goes for my phantasy football line-up as well....

rule #9: "Buyer beware-observe his behavior so that you do not end up up with mr. wrong."
ain't it the truth, bill parcells?

rule #10: "keep doing the rules even when things are slow."
sounds like the defensive strategy for the jets this year. didn't their mama's teach them that no man will respect you if they know they can score whenever they want to?


ta-da!
-la commish, who's spicy like hot sauce